5 Hard-Learned Lessons About Divorce I Wish I‘d Known When We Separated

How my ignorance and naivete kept me from taking action and allowed me kids to be taken and kept from me

I’m not one to wax nostalgic.

But fuuuuuuuuck if I don’t wish that the “me” of today could have taken the “me” of 4 or 5 years ago by the hand. I would set her straight about a few beliefs, push her to take some actions she was afraid of, and tell her some stories that would shock her.

My heart has broken over and over and over again in this process. I have not only felt victimized but been victimized, in a way my spiritually-grounded, empowered, and self-responsible self of 5 years ago could have never imagined possible.

To be clear: I have never once regretted making the decision to say “Yes” to being true to myself — even when it meant separation and the end of my marriage. But I feel so f*cking powerless right now and I have regretted SO. MANY. TIMES. that I did not file for divorce earlier.

Okay, more on the nitty-gritty of that in a minute, but first off: I’m not a lawyer. This is not legal advice. This is only my first divorce. I know that many people have much better and easier divorces than I have had (and some, more difficult). I hope that…